~~A Rant~~

I have been working in my current field/job almost 12 years (Sept. 3) at the current location for nearly 5 years and just once I would love to actually be appreciated. I've given a lot to this company and taking more then my share of crap because often I am nicer then I should be. I work hard and I try to do the best I can. But how can you succeed in a position when right from the moment you said "Yes, I will take the position" you were set up to fail. Nothing you do is right even when you are doing what they told you to do. You can't work fast enough, hard enough because no matter how much you kill yourself it is NEVER!!! enough. How are you suppose to succeed .. when you can't get trained, yet your held responsible for all the things that you were never shown how to do. You want to learn.. you want to succeed but they themselves won't help you.. mostly you know it is because even though they are upper management they don't know how to do it either. How can a company survive for so long with such incompetent people running things and the little people who are the reason they get those big paychecks in the first place are the ones that suffer for it. We live in such a back-ass-wards world... and the people who suffer the most are the hard working people who care about what they do and do take it personally. For once in my job I would love to feel appreciated.. to feel I made a difference and the the fact that I do care so much would really matter. But instead I get angry and hurt.. and pissed at myself for letting small minded ignorant people who care about nothing but themselves get to me. I wish I had the answers... I wish I knew what to do... I need this job... I wish I didn't.. but I do... So how do I find a happy medium..? Is it even possible? I know I am doing everything in my power I can do... Is there ever any way to make that be enough... To not let these people take so much from me... If anyone out here in journal land has the answers or found a better way to do deal with things like this.. Let me know.. Cause right now.. I am numb and dreading yet another day tomorrow at work.. Where I get to kill myself yet again... and get to be yelled at and told over and over yet again that it's not enough..

~~Frustrated & Frazzled~~